The Never Agains of Hogwarts: The Next Generation
by LuxaLovesLawnmowers
Summary: Minerva McGonagall has survived the Marauders, the Weasley twins and the Golden Trio. Now, as the kids of these dynamic duos, trios and foursomes take the stage, will she make it as these pranksters stake their claim to fame.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter or any of the random references.

Hi. Ok, this is the sequel to the Never Agains of Hogwarts, but it can be read on its own with minimal amount of confusion.

This is only going to be three chapters, but three chapters worked on with dedication! XD

Enjoy!

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The "Never Agains" of Hogwarts: The Next Generation

Directed to the Children of the Marauders, and Weasleys

Established by Minerva McGonagall

1. Yes, this may look familiar. It looks familiar because a list similar to this has been hanging on my office door for several years. But I have now decided that the amount of children and troublemaking that now bother me are adequate enough of a reason to make another list.

2. Mr. Weasley, stop teasing Mr. Weasley. It's not-oh, I give up. I'm calling you all by first names. There's too many of you. I don't care if it's unprofessional.

3. Anyway, Fred, stop teasing Dominique. Just because he's part Veela doesn't mean he's a girly girl.

4. Dominique, Fred, Molly, Lucy, Roxanne, Louis, Hugo, Rose, Lily, James, Albus AND Victoire, you are NOT allowed to gang up on Teddy and force him to dress as some random hippie chick from the 60's! You weren't even alive in the 60's! I was, and no one wore pink neon lipstick!

5. Except Professor Dumbledore, bless his soul.

6. My best friend is not a pygmy puff. My best friend is dead.

7. Haha, I just made you feel bad, didn't I?

8. Mr. Teddy, I don't think it appropriate to sneak up on Ms. Victoire in the hallway and 'snog her senseless' as Fred so elegantly put it in-between bursts of laughter.

9. Tying me up and hanging me up on the wall under the words "The Chamber of Secrets has been opened" is not cool. Seriously, your mother and I are going to KILL you.

10. Quittitch is a sport. Not an exhibition of unicorns.

T1. The Jaws theme song scares the first years. We have told you so several times.

12. Distributing Red Vines to the entire student body and then trying to stun the teachers with them annoys us. You didn't give us any.

13. Mr. Fred, Hugo isn't that bad a name. Ask Mr. Teddy. His mother's name was Nymphadora.

14. Teddy does not want to experience a repeat of the History of Magic class in which his father was dressed up as a French maid.

15. Besides, the movie Titanic is outdated.

16. Your mom.

17. In 2017 or whatever year this is, Muggles now have flying cars. Do not try to defuse my divine logic.

18. Ever.

19. The suggestion that your brother is an angel should not make you barf, James. Nor should it make you bark. I really don't get your logic.

20. Discos were lame when they were invented, no matter what your father says. You are not bringing disco back to this school, Ms. Molly.

21. Neither is bringing sexy back. That weird crush is getting out of hand.

22. Pink peacock quills are hard to come by. You know, since there aren't any pink peacocks. So I don't know what you've been writing with, but it ain't from a peacock.

23. I don't know of what you speck. I am not the droid you are looking for.

24. Chuck Norris cannot defeat your father in a duel, Ms. Lily. Don't believe everything Mr. James tells you.

25. Mr. Filch is old, decrepit, and carries around a dead stuffed cat. Stop taking his dead stuffed cat and hiding it in the kitchen with the house elves.

26. You may not take up the title of 'The High Inquisitor' Do you have the slightest idea who held that title?

27. Apparently you do as you just donned ten pounds of pink makeup, a pink cardigan and a fly costume.

28. Do not dress up as the late Professor Dumbledore. Just because you share his name doesn't mean you may dress up as him. Please, you don't even have any lemon drops.

29. Jumping out of my fireplace, asking me if my "refrigerator" is running, telling me I'd better go catch it, and then Flooing back to safety doesn't work because I know where your dorm is.

30. I don't think your dream of being in a boy band will work out, Ms. Rose.

31. Put the chocolate down, Mr. Teddy. I'm not going to believe your excuse of "just going to visit Victoire". You know why? Victoire doesn't live in the Forbidden Forest.

32. You are not going to pull the sword out of the stone. For one, because Merlin did it. Two, lightsabers don't work.

33. My definition and Hagrid's definition of cute are very different. I think tabby cats are cute. Hagrid thinks Norwegian Ridgebacks are cute. And we certainly don't think each other are cute.

34. Hagrid surely would have let it slip after this long, right? Right?

35. Myrtle is not a car. So stop trying to ride her, Mr. Fred and Mr. Dominique.

36. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I just realized what I wrote.

37. ….I think I need some mindsoap.

38. Mr. James, Mr. Fred did not steal your eyebrows. You know where they are?

39. On your face.

40. A pink mohawk does not suit you, Ms. Lucy. I think you should apologize for stealing your cousin's makeup. Mr. Albus was not very happy.

41. Ms. Lily, I hereby forbade you from falling in love with your brother, Mr. James. That would be insect.

42. Sorry, spelling error. Incest. No, I know you don't know what I'm talking about. Usually, me speel good.

43. You may not spend the rest of the day wearing nothing but a barrel covered in ketchup.

44. Pigfarts is not real. There is not a better version of me on Mars, telling off better kids as they come up with funnier ways to break the rules.

45. You really shouldn't have invited ex-Professor Lockhart to this school for a seminar. Really, you shouldn't have. He can't even remember what seminar means.

46. If he ever knew it in the first place.

47. Squirrel!

48. Jumping out of bushes and kicking joggers in the head in not the correct way to exercise.

49. Socks cannot die. Repeat: Socks cannot die.

50. It looks like my old mental disorders are acting up again. I wonder why?

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So, what do you think of the first chapter? Lemondroperrifus? If you agree with me on how that is a word, review!

If you don't, review anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter.

Hello enchiladas! Bonjour, es cargo! I am me, welcoming you to this fanfiction!

Enjoy!

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The "Never Agains" of Hogwarts: The Next Generation

Specifically Directed to the Children of Marauders and/or Weasleys

Established by Minerva McGonagall

51. Jokes about my sanity, while soooooooooo amusing, are unfounded as I have been examined and found to be relatively sane.

52. Yes, they took into consideration that I teach teenagers.

53. Cheese is not the universal language of armadillos.

54. "WTF?" is not the appropriate response to witnessing Mr. Teddy dressed as a turkey, even if you replace the F with Fish.

55. The appropriate response? Get him out of the outfit, you jerks. I cannot do everything.

56. Neither me not Mr. Malfoy wish to be trapped inside the same toilet stall for six hours. Especially when there are giant noxious cantaloupes floating in.

57. If I have developed a nervous tick because of stress, it's your fault. Moreover, no, my tick does not involve scratching naughty areas.

58. FREEEENNNCCCHHHH TOAAASSST!

59. The giant squid is old, decrepit and carries around a dead stuffed Filch. Stop taking his dead stuffed Filch and hiding it in the kitchens with the house elves.

60. Your father is not the wizard version of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris vs. Harry is the epic battle that shall never happen.

61. Why? Because in this future world, Chuck Norris was killed by the giant octopus owned by god's friend named Bruce Lee.

62. I. Want. To. Sleep. Shut. Up. Or. Get. A. Room. Mr. Teddy. And. Ms. Victoire.

63. The Boston Tea Party did not involve giant walruses and peacocks.

64. Your father was a prat, Ms. Lucy and Ms. Molly. I'm very sorry to tell you that, but he wasn't a famous Quittitch player. He was a prat.

65. Don't attempt to write a biography of Alastor Moody. You barely know anything about him. You don't even know about his involvement in Wold War Two, for Merlin's sake!

66. Yes, I was alive for that. Shut up, I know I'm old.

67. The Geico gecko does not belong in your shirt, Mr. Fred.

68. Gray hair is not a sign of old age. It is a sign of annoying pranksters wearing on your nerves. If it weren't for you, I'm sure my hair would still be brown. Or blue. It's been so long, I can't remember.

69. Bows and arrows are ineffective against the giant squid, Mr. James.

70. Nostrils belong on a very specific part of your face, namely your nose. Not your butt crack.

71. How did you even manage that? Mr. Malfoy wasn't very happy. :'(

72. Peeves does not need any help in unscrewing any chandeliers. Besides, he should know how to do that, I helped him years ago.

73. Uhhhh….you didn't hear that.

74. You are not dead. You would not be exempt from homework even if you were.

75. Ahh-Nold should not be your hero. The terminator is not a job for you to occupy.

76. The Mines of Moria is not a vacation home.

77. Nor is the Lothlorien. That would be _beautiful, _but it is off limits, as it doesn't exist outside of Azerbaijan.

78. Yes, yes, I just admitted it exists.

79. Did anyone even get those obscure references? *frowny face*

80. The Barney song "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family." _totally _reminds me of your family! Don't contradict me, Weasleys.

81. You contradicted me. Off to the thumbscrews for you, Mr. Hugo!

82. Apple cider combined with pork would be either disgusting or delicious. Don't ruin the delicate balance with Hershey's candy bars.

83. Pencils don't belong "In your ears" as you so delicately put it. They go up your ass.

84. Sometimes I wonder if I've become as bad as you.

85. OH MY GOD I hope not.

86. I don't think Mr. Teddy wants to be made into a totem pole, even if Ms. Victoire's would come in a matching colour.

87. Glee is a sad, sad show. They've had straight sex, gay sex, and lesbian sex on that show. But it will never, ever, be sadder than Degrassi.

88. Selling car insurance is unnecessary when nobody at Hogwarts will ever need one f those flying contraptions.

89. Recycle.

90. Tomatos are not needed in bathrooms. They do not have anything to do with feces through the rectal passage.

91. Burt is not your father, Mr. Albus. Do not listen to Mr. James.

92. As my IQ decreases, your antics get stupider and these rules get dumber. I swear you're doing this on purpose.

93. You can't fire me. I OWN this school. Ok, not literally. Figuratively.

94. Hey, James Sirius Potter here. I stoll McG's list. How epic is _that? _More epic than you-hey, Lily, get away-stop it Fred, this is mine to screw with-STOP IT PUT THE SPONGE DOWN!

95. Lily Luna Potter here. I just got a letter from mum, and she said that I was entitled to mess around with this list, because it's been hanging on this wall for twenty years.

96. You are not James from Pokemon. You are not the owner of purple hair. You do not have a talking cat.

97. You are not gay.

98. OOOOOOHHHHHH Teddy wins! Don't mess with the Tedster! Don't even try, Ms. Rose! Victoire is his!

99. This school is a soap opera.

100. I love my school. I love you kids. I love those crazy pills.

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Did you like? I know you like (at least I hope you did) and I wish you would reviews, my comradeos!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter.

This is my last chapter because of a lack of my interest, a lack of others' interest and a lack of my inspiration. Trust me, if I do any more it'll end up like a bad sequel that I was warned about. To prevent that from happening, I'm ending now. This is all I had planned anyway.

Enjoy!

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The "Never Agains" of Hogwarts: The Next Generation

Specifically Directed to the Children of the Marauders and/or Weasleys

Established by Minerva McGonagall

101. Chucky is not a monkey terrorist. He does not terrorize monkeys.

102. That includes Curious George.

103. Mr. Albus, do not tell Mr. Hugo that "Your momma's so fat she got sorted into all FOUR houses." I think she will find out. And she will not be happy.

104. Professor Longbottom does not liking finding a love letter from his Mimulus Mimbletona in his underpants.

105. Puppy Dog eyes didn't work for the original Sirius. Why would you think they'd work for you, Mr. James Sirius?

106. Spiderpig, Spiderpig, does whatever a Spiderpig does. Can he spin from a web, no 'cause he's, just a pig. Spiderpig rules!

107. You are not Spiderpig so take off the pig suit Ms. Rose.

108. Professor Slughorn is not a dead slug's horn.

109. Mr. Teddy, you need to take the sequined skirt off right now.

110. I change my mind. Put it back on to hide that atrocious g-string.

111. Liberalism is not a mental disorder.

112. It is not appropriate to build a shrine to Elvis Presley in your Common Room, Ms. Lily.

113. Lava combined with spaghetti does not make for a good meal.

114. Your father is not Comic Book Guy, Mr. Hugo.

115. Ralph Wiggums is not a kangaroo.

116. Does not pretend you have a lisp by saying '_aqueetheences' _instead of acquaintances.

117. God, no one is going to get that reference, except a few obscure Harry Potter crossover fan fiction readers.

118. Yes, I read fan fiction. Your problem? There are some lovely Minnie/Albus's out there…

119. Uhhh….you didn't hear that.

120. Diplomatic Immunity does not apply to citizens of Squirrel-land.

121. Nor does it apply to the citizens of Quirrell-land.

122. The Library is not the home of Groundskeeper Willy.

123. Eggs are not chicken turds.

124. Don't dress Mr. Teddy as a hamburger. And DON'T try to take a bite out of him.

125. Sherlock Holmes is not 'yo momma'.

126. Do not attempt to fly a motorcycle into the moon.

127. Yes, Mr. James, I think we all know that Mr. Teddy is a chip off the old block.

128. Winky the house elf is old and drunk ninety percent of the time. So stop replacing her butterbeer with Listerine.

129. We are not going to cover the male reproductive system in my Transfiguration class. No.

130. Squirtle will not be playing in any concerts near here. Remember, all it can do is say its name. Not very interesting, if you ask me.

131. Do you like milk?

132. *wink wink*

133. …That was weird…

134. A food bank is not where you should cash in your money. Have one of your cousins explain it, Ms. Lucy.

135. Heh heh heh…have you lost something, Mr. Albus? Perhaps your dentures?

136. Crap, those are mine. I'm going senile.

137. Red vines can kick your ass. Stop defying my authority by eating Twizzlers.

138. George Washington is not related to Michael Jackson. I think History should be your priority.

139. Magical ponies do not belong in the Hufflepuff common room. They already have enough faeries as it is.

140. Please excuse that remark Professor Flitwick. It is not my business what you do in your personal life.

141. Kit Kat bars do not make up heaven.

142. Or hell, for that matter.

143. Cheese.

144. I don't want to see and spam letters written on the wall. No one is going to send the message to twenty-five other people.

145. Especially if you write it in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom.

146. Put your right hand in, put your right hand out and you shake it all about. Do the Hokey-Pokey…ahhh! What am I doing!

147. You do not have one red eye and one black eye. You do not wear a mask. You are not a ninja

148. Neither are you a potato.

149. What's the point of Trick-or-Treating at Hogwarts? All the teachers are stingy. Just saying.

150. Wow. You outlived me. I went through two generations of your predecessors, and I'm going to retire before you graduate. No offense, but you guys mulitply like rabbits. Well, I'm off to a nice peaceful retirement. See ya, friends.

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Since I've only had this fanfiction for about a fortnight, I 'm not emotionally attached to it. But to my awards...

To those who read, but did not review, I award you the Benjy Fenwick. Because if you were a Harry Potter character, you'd be long dead.

To MadameGiry25, Away-with-the-faries, and HarryPercyArtemisWarrior fan, I award you the Teddy Lupin. Because I feel you guys deserve to be the kid of Remus.

To blindrain, Miriflowers, Blue-Eyed-Lily and especially rocklover91, I award you the Minerva McGonagall for your undying perseverance and sstaying, along with her, to the end.

Well, that's all I have to say. Goodbye, my Harry Potter loving friends.


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